Salem
by EvilChick13
Summary: Wherein Damon gets a cat, and a fanfiction like no other is born.
1. Chapter 1

**Welcome, random people who have decided that you'll give this a try. Thank you for clicking. Things I think you should know; this is set just after Rose dies, Damon is more than a little bit drunk, and I'm not really sure where this is going. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not even the cat this was inspired by.**

**Enjoy! And please do review. It always makes my day.**

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><p>Damon was lying on the couch wallowing in his misery with a bottle of whiskey in one hand and a shot glass in the other. His life <em>sucked<em>. It was so much easier when he was just a hunter living to torment his brother. Now he had all these _emotions_. Love – mainly for Elena, but for a lot of other people too, like Stefan or the recently deceased Rose. Jealousy – Stefan and Elena. Hate – for the whole world in general. There were a lot of others, but he really didn't want to poke around in his head and find out what they were.

And so he drank.

Until he heard this sound. _Scratch-scratch_. It made him raise his head off the couch and look around. Nothing. He heard it twice more before he got up to investigate.

_Scratch-scratch_.

Damon decided it was coming from the front door. He opened it, expecting to find anything from somebody's sick idea of a prank to that bitch the werewolf. Either one would probably be killed in the mood he was in.

Nothing. He looked to the right than the left. Still nothing. He was about to close the door when it spoke.

"Merrowww?"

He looked down. Sitting on the front steps was a _cat_. A filthy cat covered in scars, it looked ready to die of starvation. It had yellow eyes which were looking at him steadily, and Damon could have sworn that if it had eyebrows, they would have been raised questioningly.

Damon thought for a moment and then opened the door farther. The cat stood and slipped past him, walking down the hall like it knew where it was going. So he followed.

It lead him to the kitchen.

It jumped gracefully up onto the counter and sat, giving him the same look as before. Damon stared at it, thinking that he _must_ be hallucinating, because cats did not act like this. Animals didn't like their kind, and had sense enough to run from predators. Or at least that's what Stefan always told him. Damon liked his blood human, so he'd never found out for himself.

This cat apparently didn't know that it wasn't supposed to be doing this, because it was still giving him that eyebrows raised look. "What?" he asked it.

"Merrowww."

"Oh, _yes_, of course. I don't _speak_ cat."

Damon looked around, and got it. They were in a kitchen. Kitchens had food. The cat looked like it was half starved. He had a plate of cold turkey out of the fridge and on the counter for the cat before he realized _what_ he was doing.

He watched the little creature eat and tried to think of a reason why he was doing all this. He couldn't think of any reasons he liked. But he did realize one thing; he had a pet, and he didn't _mind_.

Damon left the cat alone to its dinner to go to the local pet supply store, _Tracey's Pets_. It was a colourful little building located downtown.

It was the last place he had ever thought he'd be.

A squat middle-aged woman glanced up when he walked in. "Can I help you?"

Damon looked around feeling lost. "I'm looking for, ugh…."

"New pet owner?" He nodded.

"What kind of pet?" She looked at him kindly, and he had the sudden urge to rip out her throat and drink her blood. He stifled it. He, unfortunately, needed her. Besides, she didn't look like she tasted that good. He liked his blood young.

"Cat. A little stray." He said, deciding it would be in his best interests to be charming.

"Ahh, yes. Right this way." He followed her to the back of the store, past row upon row of dog food and toys. She started grabbing things willy-nilly off the shelves and piling them in his arms. "Two bowls; one for food, one for water. Litter box; you'll want to put that somewhere where you can't smell it. Litter. Scoop. Brush…." She paused and turned to look at him. "Are you going to let him out?"

What, did she think he was going to keep him trapped somewhere? "Of course." Then he realized that he didn't even know if he was a he.

She spun back around. "Here you'll want to feed him this. Just fill up the bowl whenever it's empty. That's all you'll need for now, so if you'll follow me we can ring this up and you can be on your way."

He smiled. "Of course."

Back at the cash register Tracey – her name tag had little sticker flower and paw prints all over it – leaned a little too close into him. "Are you drunk?" He just smiled politely. She huffed and continued with her job. "And just what exactly have you decided to name your cat?"

"Salem." He wasn't sure what made him say it.

She handed him the bag. "That's an interesting name."

He just smiled and left.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry this is so short, and that it took so long to get it posted. A big thank you to everyone who read, citigirl13, Death'sAngel18, Finally Josephine, ShootingStar92, Foofiiee, Dark Mind of the American Teen, Lauren, and Stuck in Oblvion. You guys are awsome. Plus because everyone seemed so excited about this I decided to update this story before my other one. So, without further adude (or however you spell that), chapter two!**

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><p>Damon was lying on the couch, Salem – it turns out he was a she – on his chest, when his brother entered. "Damon?" Stefan paused, regarding the scene in front of him. "Is that a cat?"<p>

"No, Stefan, it's a cuddle monster." He replied, not moving. Vampires could get hang overs, but it took a lot more alcohol than for a regular person. Three days worth of heavy liquor consumption produced one son of a bitch of a hang over. "Of course it's a cat. What did you think it was? A platypus?"

"No, Damon, you're right. Of course it's a cat." He paused. "What I _meant_ to ask was why do you have a cat?"

He didn't actually know the answer to that. Why had he let the cat in again? Oh, right…. "I was drunk."

Stefan slowly started to walk forward. "What are you going to do with it?"

"I'm going to use her in my evil malevolent plan to steal Elena from you and make your life a living hell." He wasn't being serious, but now that he thought about it, it just might work.

Stefan laughed insincerely. "Ooh, terrifying. But seriously Damon, why do you have a cat? What are you going to do with it?"

"That's for me to know and you to dot dot dot." By this time Stefan had reached the couch. With each step he had taken towards it Salem had grown more and more tense, each hair on her body slowly standing on end. Neither brother noticed they were so involved in their discussion, and they wouldn't have noticed either, if she hadn't of let out a low warning growl.

They both looked at her in surprise. Stefan took another step closer, testing. Salem sent Damon her questioning one-eyebrow-raised look, as if saying _why doesn't he get it?_ Then she turned to look at Stefan again and growled.

Damon laughed. "She's got good taste, Stefan. She clearly doesn't like Bunny Eaters."

"I think I might have to disagree with you, Damon. She hasn't done anything to you after all."

Damon placed his hand over his heart. "Ouch, Stefan, that hurt." He continued on. "Have you ever eaten a cat, little brother?"

Stefan looked guilty. "It was an emergency."

Damon was surprised. Then he smiled maliciously. "Elena is going to kill you when she finds out."

"You wouldn't."

"Of course I would."


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry this is so short, I had no other ideas for this chapter. But I promise the next chapter, which is going to be the last, will be much longer. Anyways, a big thanks for everyone who has read/reviewed. You guys are awesome!**

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><p>Damon had a plan to steal Elena from his brother.<p>

And Stefan gave it to him.

When Elena came over – and she would, because she was Elena, the savior of all, but mostly Damon – he'd introduce her to Salem. All girls loved cats, puppies, penguins, and anything _cute_. Elena would ask questions, lots of them, and Damon would reveal how he'd taken Salem in because he couldn't stand to see animals suffer, or some such story that made him sound _good._ He certainly wouldn't tell the truth, that he'd been extremely drunk, and the cat seemed like it was talking to him.

And of course, at some point, he'd bring up that Stefan had eaten a cat.

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><p>Of course, because Damon had royally ticked off fate, it didn't work that way.<p>

Elena came over sometime in the afternoon. "Damon, are you okay?" she asked hesitantly, voice full of concern. He was in the kitchen, using the microwave to heat up some blood for himself, while putting some cold turkey on a plate for Salem. The cat ate better than he did….

"Of course Elena, why wouldn't I be?" The microwave beeped, but he ignored it. Elena might say she was alright with both him and his brother being vampires, but he knew that them drinking blood freaked her out more than just a little bit.

"I know that Rose and you were close, and it most have really hurt you watching her die like that, but-"

"Elena, really, I'm fine." Just then Salem appeared out of no where – Damon was beginning to think she had special powers or something – and jumped up onto the counter to start daintily eating her food.

Elena seemed to stiffen at the sight of the cat. "Damon, is that a cat?" she asked moving slightly backwards.

"Yes, it is." Damon said with a self satisfied smirk. Then he frowned. Why wasn't Elena rushing forward to pet the _sweet little adorable _cat? Why was she backing away?

"I've got to go, Damon." she said heading to the door. "I'm allergic. I'll see you later, okay?"

Elena was out the door before Damon had a chance to say anything.

_Damn._


End file.
